This post is for all the females, and males alike, who want love but are misunderstood, confused or just want they old mofo to get what’s coming. #karmasabitch #notypos
We all tend to grope and argue about finding or fighting for love …
Don't believe me? Just look on Facebook. If your timeline is anything like mine, you'll see people writing about their problems or arguments with someone about some drama surrounding a relationship … about how "the boy is mine" or "that girl was his" or whatever …
No matter the scenario, we all tend to fight for love or express our deep concerns for finding it at some point in our life. When this happens, when we're the other variable of the love equation, sometimes it’s wise to humanize our circumstances and realize that at the end of the day, we’re all human with the desire to love … no matter the gender, the race, the age … we all just want love. No debate.
Now, the real problem is this: sometimes, when you focus so much on loving someone, you tend to lose sight of what you deserve … you tend to forget that love really needs to exist within before it can exist with another person. You tend to forget what love really is and forget what YOU really love, aside from a relationship.
We see and say this a lot—love yourself. This doesn’t always mean to love yourself in a way where you enjoy your own company … sometimes, it means loving yourself enough to not let anyone treat you like crap … to not stick around in situations that don’t feel good on the inside or reflect happiness on the outside.
Love can’t be forced … it can’t be begged for … it can’t be bribed or misled or given an ultimatum. It certainly can in some circumstances, but that’s not real, lasting love. Real, true, authentic love, which is what we all search for, develops over time through communication, understanding, and interest.
As a woman, let me tell the men this: when a woman wants to communicate with you and wants to understand you and is truly interested in you, your family, your wants, needs, desires and dreams, without motive, she’s legit and will be there for you until the end.
But what a lot of my friends deal with (and all too often) is this game … a guy reaches out to them when he is in not the best position (mentally/emotionally) to do so … whether he’s had a tragic experience that led him to reach out, just ended a long-term relationship and now needs a crutch, or whether he’s reaching back out after years of being apart, my friends are quick to fall into the trap of the story the guy tells them … whether sincere or phony on his part.
The emotions quickly erupt and the feelings of infatuation and desire set in. Then, my friends start to believe he may be the one. The problem ... is that as quickly as it started, it ends just as fast. A few weeks here, a month or two there, and now, back to square one … just like the rest of us.
The problem we females tend to have is that we think another human being can fulfill us. We think we need to put our heart and soul into someone else to be fulfilled and when we do that, we tend to forget about our basic needs. We start living for boys.
Boys. I say, boys because REAL men don’t play the games that these boys continue to play. Grown men act grown. They have jobs. They have goals. They have ambition. They wake up with purpose. They don’t text this girl and that girl and attempt to hook up with this person and that person to feel better about themselves. Just like a real woman, real men don’t need that validation when they know who they are. They send flowers on days that don’t mean anything to us until the moment we receive those flowers. They go above and beyond to be who we need them to be without us having to ask them to do so. We, real women, deserve real men just like real men deserve real women.
If who we are currently with isn’t living up to who we need him to be … if he’s confusing us and leaving us hanging and goes back and forth between us and some other female he seems to have an interest in, guess what? He's not for us.
To feel better about it, you may hope and pray that, "he will get his" when it comes to karma ... But when you're sitting there wishing bad karma on him, also, believe that sometimes, the karma ain’t coming back around … sometimes, the situation at hand that HE put himself in is the karma. The fact that he doesn’t get YOU and YOUR LOVE is the karma. Karma isn’t always about what’s coming to em' … sometimes, it’s about what ISN’T coming … about what he or she WON’T get to experience with you … about all the good you could’ve brought to his or her life that he or she so effortlessly let go of without hesitation.
Don’t, for one more second, sit there and dwell on what could have … because it should have, it would have. Your journey is bigger than him and his issues and his drama and his chaos and his past. Your journey excludes the ache that you’ve endured for so long. Your journey is far better off on a path without confusion than it would be to remain in a mess of feelings and uncertainty.
Let that boy or girl stay pathetic … because that’s what cheaters, liars and game players are … pathetic. Laugh, turn your nose up at him and be on your way ... and if you’re a male experiencing the same thing from a female, do the same … laugh at her, turn your nose up and walk away.
Too many players walk around acting like their love is so great … like their package is so big … like their swag and style and flow can’t be outdone, weighing their dating options like they have em’. If the people on the other side who are appearing to be options to these little boys and girls who pretend to be grown but really, have no f-ing clue, and really started understanding their own worth and value and what they bring to the table, all the bums would be exposed and what the bums like to call their "options", would be what they really are ... the first choice ... the only choice ... the grand slam ... YOU! They'd be LUCKY to have you even CONSIDER them ... And as a result, the power would be in your hands. YOU would then be the only one weighing your options … “Do I stick around and teach this boy or girl a thing or two about growing up, or do I date an adult and save myself a headache, instead?” ... (choose the latter.)
Stop feeling like he or she got the good end of the stick when YOU are the prize! The problems that he or she had before? ... Yep. They still exist. So, while he or she continues with their reality, you just sit pretty, sip your drink, and let em carry on. Learn to love yourself in a bigger way … in a way that won’t let anything come to you that isn't meant for you … and if it does, if you’re tested by someone who is evil or rude, or by immaturity and stupidity, have enough love for yourself to walk away as effortlessly as he or she did you.
It’s not about being better than his new girl, her old dude or the next piece, it’s about living a life you deserve with people who deserve your presence. It’s about bringing out every single good thing about you for yourself.
Be so sure of who you are and what you want and need, that when someone comes and disrupts that good, you can spot em' from a mile away, giving YOU the power to make the decision on whether or not he or she gets to stay in your life. Everything else? Just leave it to karma. What goes around, comes around and what doesn’t come around, doesn’t need to because the reality he or she endures, without you, is already enough to be sorry about ... No one is you-er than you, so hats off to your old flings and toast to the problems you no longer have. Time to move forward!
Cheers to every person who has ever been misunderstood but is finally getting the happiness he or she deserves ... whether you've rekindled your love with your ex, or have moved on so far beyond them that what was once so painful, now is just forgotten, it's all worth being happy about! =).