I was asked to write a post about women who cheat and I was taken back a bit because this isn't something I know too much about. Being cheated on? Yes. Doing the cheating? Not so much.
So, it was difficult to put myself in a cheating woman’s shoes … but then I thought, why does anyone cheat? It seems much easier to just end a relationship with someone than to go behind their back, lie, feel guilty, be sneaky, get caught, have to apologize, yada yada.
Well, after spending the weekend thinking about it a little bit, I’ve come up with a few common reasons why some people, in general, may cheat.
The obvious reasons? Psychological issues, commitment issues, things doctors tell you ... maybe you aren't getting enough attention from your partner, so you seek it elsewhere because you need that reassurance to feel secure … or maybe you're feeling sad reminiscing on the old days, beating yourself up now that you look back and realize you never really lived when you had the opportunity so, you seek a younger, hotter eye-candy to make yourself feel young again … or maybe your significant other cheated, so now theres this need for revenge …
My brain was sort of all over the place when I started thinking about what could ever make me want to cheat on someone …
Please understand, I am not a doctor or therapist or relationship expert, but I am a realist or at least try to be ... so after a little bit of self-reflection, all of these excuses for cheating really just boiled down to one thing:
People who cheat, men and women alike, do so because they are in a relationship with the wrong person. Instead of manning or wo-manning up and revealing the truth about how they felt early on in the relationship, they instead, ignore the signs, commit to someone who is "comfortable" then later in life, wander off and gravitate toward someone else ... Someone who feeds their soul.
Hear me out.
Too often, people settle. They start a relationship with someone who appeals to the naked eye or because of what he or she could do for them, maybe financially or physically. The attraction is there for a bit, but it lacks substance and romance. The conversation is weak; it doesn’t feed the soul, if you will.
So, like any relationship, it becomes stale. It gets repetitive and the passion dies. Then the demands start. He doesn’t tell her she’s beautiful enough and she never does anything nice for him ... he never supports her ambitions and she always makes him miss out on wing night with the guys … the nagging begins and the arguments continue and the time you spend together gets shorter and shorter, trust issues set in and instead of being a team, you’re now opponents.
And when you’re an opponent, what do you do? You want to win against the person rather than with the person. So, you seek the attention and the reassurance elsewhere … with someone who can feed your soul.
So, what happens next? You cheat. Not the one-night stand, egotistical, sociopath type of cheating that weak people who lack morals and feelings may engage in—that’s different. If that’s the type of cheating you're encountering then you just need to learn how to better qualify your potentials. I’m talking about in-over-your-head, emotional, rearrange-your-entire-life type of cheating. The cheating you do with your heart and not your head, pun intended.
You find a human being who connects with you and reminds you of all the things you wish you would’ve done when you had the chance. You get light and fluffy and feel like there is someone who finally understands you and gets it. While in some instances this could be a false prophet … in cases where you actually do cheat, however, it’s because you found someone who feeds your soul. For me, one of the only ways I see feasible to solving this problem is to fall in love with your best friend.
We face temptations every day. Not just in reference to a relationship, but in life. I face temptations every single morning when I go into my kitchen to make breakfast. Waffles or oatmeal? Cereal or egg whites? Chocolate or apples? … and it doesn't stop there. Temptations are with me every … single … day …
BUT … when you want something bad enough, let’s say, a state pageant title, you learn to eliminate those temptations by not even letting them come to the surface. You avoid buying foods you can't eat, and avoid going places that tempt or taunt you.
Or in reference to this post, if you want true love, you will do ANYTHING you can to get it, embrace it and keep it … forever. No distractions in the world can refrain you from obtaining the goal or cause you to slip up because you want it and need it so badly. And to me, that’s how real love should be. You shouldn’t want to be with anyone else or have the desire to be with anyone else or put yourself in situations that make you feel like being with someone else because you are so focused on and consumed by what you have, that the temptations become irrelevant.
When you can find this in love … you know you’re with the right person. When hurting them would hurt you more and when revenge is something you plan together on your enemies, not on each other (other than maybe a water gun fight or a Dutch oven battle), and when their happiness and pain is your happiness and pain, you won’t cheat. You won’t feel tempted to even think about hurting that person or putting yourself in that type of situation.
You’ll laugh at each other’s jokes, joke about each other’s faults, and you’ll spend more time building with each other than breaking each other down. Love is supposed to be fresh, fun, easy and adventurous. Yes, relationships take work, but the feelings should come easy. If the feelings take work then maybe you should reconsider your current relationship status. Love should never be forced.
When you feel completed, when he or she makes you feel whole, your heart won’t beat for anyone else and cheating won’t ever be an option … EVER! This is why some people say we don’t always end up with who we’re meant to be with … because we settle. I think we’re all meant to grow old with our best friends, or in other words, our soul mates, but unfortunately, too often, we don’t see the big picture until it’s too late.
So, to answer your question, anonymous subscriber, I imagine women cheat when they feel gravitated toward another individual who can feed what lacks within the relationship, which is USUALLY an emotional thing … her man doesn’t get her … and he doesn’t get her because he doesn’t truly know her. He doesn’t understand the intellectual part of her which to some, is a HUGE part of a relationship … maybe the most important part and quite honestly, the reason so many have such a hard time committing to one person, because very few get them. They'd rather be alone and free or playing the game than to be in a committed relationship with the wrong person.
Often times, though, people who cheat are probably the ones who were foolish and who settled. They thought they could change someone into being the person they always needed … instead of being brave enough to wait for a relationship to evolve over time into what would continuously feed their belly with laughter, their back bone with strength and their soul with love … the real prize … the only option and the right option … a romantic relationship with a best friend.
So the answer, how to end cheating? Fall in love with your best friend. Let your friendships evolve into a realness and a rawness that the only logical next step in the friendship is to fall so deep in love that you can't see straight. Seek happiness and laughter in every relationship ... and never, ever, ever, ever settle. Ever!