When do you really know who you are?

A lot of times, people will get out of long-term relationships or hardships and say they were lost for so long, but now they’re found. Well, how do you know when you’re found? How do you know when you’re finally OK and able to move forward?

I think the time to heal and evolve is different for everyone, but it certainly does not happen overnight. It takes experiences, and overcoming obstacles and a lot of self-reflection to understand who you want to be and how to become it. For the sake of this post, I’ve come up with a list of 10 indicators that may help you decide if you really do know who you are. Check it out.

1. You no longer let little things bother you.

People can say mean things to and about you, bring up your past, try to persuade you to get into the drama and you really just do … not … care. You have better things to do with your time and in those instances when you are maybe involved in the drama slightly, you have learned so much about who you are that you just don’t feed into it. You can easily brush off the nonsense and go about your business, no problem.

2. You can be completely alone and feel completely OK.

We all get lonely at times, but there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. Being able to be alone is how you know you’re secure. Maybe you have a boyfriend, but he’s out of town so you choose to be alone and when you can do that without the feelings of anxiety, or the feeling of needing someone else to fill that void, you know who you are. You can go to the bathroom by yourself when you’re out with the girls. Eat at a restaurant in public all alone. Go see a movie and sit in the dark theatre all by yourself. And secretly, you enjoy it. You appreciate solitude. You a champ, you little loner!

3. You can sleep at night.

No more waking up checking your phone to see if so and so called because by now, you’ve realized that your sleep is much more important than where he’s at and what he’s doing at 4 in the morning to not have called like he said he would. You’re so sure of what you want in life and in relationships that unless it concerns someone’s safety, you’re cool on waiting until morning to get filled in. You, instead, have peace in climbing into bed thinking about your dreams and agenda for the next day, rather than what he said or she said.

4. You can leave your phone at home.

You don’t have to have your phone with you 24/7. You are able to leave it at home, in the car, in your purse on silent, away from the now … Of course, you rarely do that for the sake of your busy schedule, but you don’t have to be so available because you have your own agenda. You’re busy doing you and it’s not an act, it’s a fact. You know when to take in your surroundings and leave the technology at rest.

5. You can avoid social media.

You can go days and nights without even checking or posting onto your social media. You don’t need to know what everyone else is doing and you’ve come to the realization that just because you’re not posting on social media doesn’t mean you aren’t out there grinding. The grind is in the hustle and the product of who you become, not in the time spent scrolling down a timeline looking at pictures of people you barely know whose eyebrows are on fleek and shoe game poppin’. Yeah, we all like to post unimportant things from time to time, but you would rather be out socializing, flying kites and running bridges than sitting on the couch with the blinds shut, eating Doritos, crying over why you don't have lips like Kylie Jenner.

6. You can eat whatever you want with no shame.

Yeah, you may eat clean and try to be healthy, but if you decide to indulge in something sweet or fattening, you’re cool about it. No stress. You know who you are and know that you can overcome the food baby by drawing your legs up, releasing some air and hitting the gym a little harder in the morning. And you have no shame in any part of it.

7. You can manage your time to benefit you.

You’ve got a schedule that works for you and that’s how it’s going to be. People who come into your life can either fit into the schedule or wait until time is on your side to work it out. You aren’t selfish to the point where you’re mean, but you certainly know how to put yourself first and that’s what you do.

8. You can go in public without makeup or nice clothes and not feel a darn thing.

You don’t need all that cake on your face to go to the grocery store, unless of course, you’re trying to find a husband, which you aren’t because you know who you are and intend to let love find you. But even if someone thinks you’re a bow-wow and says you do need make-up, that doesn’t even faze you because you feel completely confident being all nat-u-ral … sometimes even braless. Let em’ flop! Get it, girl!

9. You can leave the house with wet hair.

Every day. Let that ish air dry. Messy wet bun on top yo’ head. You KNOW!


10. You seek things, circumstances and people who feed your soul.

When you’re on the verge of feeling blue, you can simply turn on the radio, bump to some Bey’ and snap out of the mood you were about to fall into. When people don’t value who you are and what you do for them, they instantly become a nonfactor. You surround yourself with the dreamers, doers and positive thinkers because that’s what you are. Since you know who you are and what you want in life, in a partner, and in all existing and future relationships, you don’t settle. You stay true to your morals, values, desires and needs and you have faith that all things and people who come into your life are there to make it better. And if they aren’t? Easy. Bye, Felicia!